Ten military vehicles were reported missing on Wednesday, shortly after being painted with high-tech camouflage paint designed to blend in with urban settings.
Following heightened tensions between the U.S. and North Korea, First Sergeant McFury was determined to improve Cape Cod's military readiness by upgrading their fleet of armored vehicles.
Of course I'm pissed. Why spend all this money on a new paint facility if all our vehicles keep [expletive] disappearing!"
The 102nd Intelligence Unit is facing striking criticism from opponents of military spending after investing nearly $50M on the new facility, including $20M on the missing vehicles.
This news comes right on the heels of devastating job cuts. Combined with the latest loss, it will undoubtedly have significant impact on the region's economy.
The paint facilities director has declined to comment, but the assistant director was dumb enough to answer our questions:
"We've notified local authorities, even state police. But honestly, it could be anywhere, even Mexico."